I can’t sleep … too many redbulls and my mind is racing. I’m wondering how I can change the part about that does that most damage. My Cuban temper! No I don’t throw and break things … or get physical … I do what I think is worse and more damaging. I use my words. I hate that about me … you would think at 30 I could finally have a grip on it but I don’t. The messed up part about it is that its the people I love most end up being the victims of it.
All I can hope for is the strength to work on this part of myself. Its something I’ve always somehow been able to make up for (whatever harm my wrath has caused) but this time I don’t think I can redeem myself. I could hope for my partner to just accept this part of me and know that when I’m angry I may lash out with some harsh truths … but in the end I am harder on myself than anyone and will beat myself up about it for a bit.
Ugh … this sucks. I’m just hoping that time does heal all wounds.