So I’ve been not eating carbs to lose weight and noticed I’ve been more crabby (so have my students lol). Then I read an article that informed me of why the Atkins diet leaves u fatigued and emo … and it told me the things I should be eating that will raise my seratonin levels (u know …. the chemical in your brain that makes u happy). So here is what I read: 1.turkey (free range of course … anything u get that’s.depressed will make u depressed such.milk, eggs, beef etc).
2. Whey protein
4. Wild cherries (which if.u eat before bed can help u sleep better)
6. Wild salmon (fatty fish.oils)
And … I gotta get in the shower but I’ll post again if I remember more.
So Tumble is the extended version of Twitter in that u can say as much as you want. Being the immature teenager trapped in a 30 year old’s body, I saw a few of my service students at school logging on here and was like …”I want one too!”
Now please keep in mind I “Tumble” from my phone most of the time so my writing may not be in perfect form (as far as spelling and punctuation etc) cuz this Damn touch screen is a bitch to type with. For instance the words that are automatically finished for u can be something so off topic that the.receiver of.your text message is like what? Last night I sent my ex a message that said “creep” out of nowhere. She responded “why are u calling me a creep” when her previous messages were just stating that she is going to be her fathers date for her brothers wedding this weekends.(
I can’t sleep … too many redbulls and my mind is racing. I’m wondering how I can change the part about that does that most damage. My Cuban temper! No I don’t throw and break things … or get physical … I do what I think is worse and more damaging. I use my words. I hate that about me … you would think at 30 I could finally have a grip on it but I don’t. The messed up part about it is that its the people I love most end up being the victims of it.
All I can hope for is the strength to work on this part of myself. Its something I’ve always somehow been able to make up for (whatever harm my wrath has caused) but this time I don’t think I can redeem myself. I could hope for my partner to just accept this part of me and know that when I’m angry I may lash out with some harsh truths … but in the end I am harder on myself than anyone and will beat myself up about it for a bit.
Ugh … this sucks. I’m just hoping that time does heal all wounds.
So I just spent the last week a saint. Not an ounce of liquor, no bars or clubs … just sat at home w with my dogs and my dvr (can’t imagine life without it). But seeing that today is a beaUtiful day, my house is clean, my clothes are washed etc… I think its about time to make it a Sunday FUNDAY like old times ;) The challenge will be this …1) finding the perfect place to be 2) not spending too much money 3) somehow being able to lightly read 80 something essays and 4)Eating healthy along the way.
When LIFE teaches you that love isn’t everything in a relationship … several times … and what you thought was going to last FOREVER … didn’t make it to a year … you resort to the things that God has given you. The people you know that will ALWAYS be there … the people you could never stay mad at … hold a grudge against … the people you have unconditional love for … your FAMILY.
It’s been a good 12 years (when i graduated from high school and moved to UCLA) since I’ve really connected and spent time with my family. Not just the typical holiday or bday gatherings where we eat Cuban food, joke around and spend no more than 2 hours together and go our seperate ways. I mean real time with my cousins (like the time i spent with them as a child where they were like my siblings). This last weekend … it wasn’t just the circumstances going on in my relationship at home that got me to get back to that kid who never wanted to be parted from her cousins … but also the new presence of PRESCIOUS Presley Leis Hoy (Ha! the only other one with my middle name … our Grandpi’s last name). I spent the weekend with my new little peanut Presely, my cousins, my tia’s AMAZING cooking, and even a little tennis (since Lynette has a court bascially in her backyard). Come Sunday evening when I had to return to my vacant home … I didn’t want to leave. Not just because I’d be facing the beginning of a new chapter in my life … but because with my family everything is just so much better. We laugh all day, give each other the best advice and we just know how to make everything fun. Driving home from Huntington Beach that evening I decided to make my family more of a priority. I’m not sure whether it was me being gay that pulled me away or because they were always out and about in the straight scene … but what I do know is that little Presely has grounded all of us … and I’m so elated to be a part of my family again. Drama free, full of positivity … and just plain happy : )